Hillel Center Shocked Student Who Went On Birthright Isn’t Jewish

Still investigating for a failure in their system, the Hillel Center was shocked Friday to discover that Aaron Gallagher, a non-Jewish student of Irish descent, embarked on last summer’s Birthright trip. “I just thought it’d be a nice way to explore a foreign country over the summer,” said Gallagher in a statement. “The surname Gallagher means ‘lover of foreigners’ and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. It was surprisingly easy to get past their security page. All I had to do was answer a couple of questions about Judaism and the Hebrew Bible, and the next thing I know I’m on a plane to Tel Aviv!”

“I still don’t understand why they had us put those mini baskets on our heads,” Gallagher added when asked about his experience attending synagogue.

Nancy Feinstein, a representative of the Hillel Center, grudgingly agreed to speak out about the scandal. “We honestly have no clue how a non-Jewish student could have passed through our impregnable line of defense. Sometimes I don’t even know the questions we ask of them! But I do remember his name showing up on the roster and it didn’t look Jewish. I bet he had the time of his life eating handfuls of falafel and baba ganoush.”

At press time, Gallagher said he would do it again if he didn’t get caught, but now he’s focused on joining the Asian Culture Club for a free trip to China.