Hipster Student Comes Out as Accounting Major

Super senior Lisa Dias came out as an Accounting major to her hipster friends Wednesday morning over their weekly “getty” at Undergrounds Coffeehaus in Fort Lauderdale. Dias, often seen wearing off brand white shoes, bright makeup, and a pair of trendy frames, revealed her truth to her friends only after stress-eating three plates of of the cafe’s Blackened Redfish Magic tots. To make up for the overwhelmingly negative reaction to revealing her mainstream ways, Dias tried to move the conversation onto her finishing Jack Kerouac’s Dharma Bums — to no avail. “I was just sitting there, enjoying my fair trade artisan coffee, about to discuss how Vampire Weekend and the Black Keys sold out on our counterculture a few years back, but fucking Lisa had to just ruin it,” said FAU French Literature graduate student Callum Clydebank, who then stopped to clean the clear plastic frames of his reading glasses before continuing. “I knew her filtered cigarette smoking ass was mainstream. Fuck a CPA.”