Sophomore Andrew Graber made a groundbreaking discovery today on campus: he figured out how our professors spend their day at work, and he plans on telling every student.
In an exclusive interview with Graber, conducted by the Hoot Staff, he reported information that was absolutely out of this world. “I thought that the professors had like weird side-hustles like stripping or selling coke out of their classroom, but boy was I wrong,” said Graber. “The professors actually respond to student emails, which is quite surprising considering I haven’t gotten a response from mine yet.”
When Graber was asked to explain how he came to such a perplexing conclusion, he responded, “It just so happened that I walked into my professor’s office, to not purchase a dime bag, and I saw my professor, Dr.Tracey Cornwall, sitting at her desk. I was in awe at what she was doing because I thought the TA’s did all of her work, but I was wrong. She was sitting at her desk, responding to emails, and ranting to someone on her phone about her marriage.”
Graber’s discovery could very much modernize the way in which we view our professors. They aren’t heartless strippers shaking ass for the bag or selling drugs to minors at FAU High. They are hardworking people who somewhat respond to emails and complain about their home life on Zoom.