Hurricane Irma Slightly Self Conscious About Size

On Saturday morning, Hurricane Irma began to show signs of embarrassment and self-consciousness over her large size. According to expert meteorologists, these signs include frequent indecisiveness in her life’s projection, an ability to drive everyone away, and uncontrollable tears arising whenever she is compared to other hurricanes. Many have stated that this behavior is unprecedented. However, to Irma’s dismay, so is her size.

“I’ve been working hard to get myself in better shape. I’ve already gone down to a category 4,” rained a depressed Irma. “It’s just tough living in a world where women hurricanes are so often judged on their appearance. Have you seen how often my form has been on tv? I was on every fucking hour of the Today show. I… I just wish people talked about my personality instead of my size.”

At press time, Irma had already joined group counseling for self-conscious hurricanes fighting doubts and anxieties about their figures. Irma has also taken an interest in therapeutic knitting, where she makes sweaters with powerful feminist quotes and messages. Although Irma is still working through self-doubts, reports show that she is slowly gaining confidence and is really excited to show florida what she’s made of. #GIRLPOWER!