‘I Don’t Have Time To Do Homework,’ Complains Student Who Spent Past Three Hours Doing Absolutely Nothing

Overwhelmed by her accumulating mass of unfinished school assignments, FAU student Marie Kempton complained Monday that she does not possess the time to complete her homework despite spending the past three hours doing absolutely nothing. “Quite frankly, I think it’s ridiculous how professors expect their students to keep up with all of this schoolwork as if we don’t have other responsibilities in our lives,” said Kempton, who sources confirmed is unemployed, does not participate in any extracurricular activities, and lives rent-free with her parents. “Honestly, I think it’s very inconsiderate of them to not take into account that some of us have children to look after. I don’t, but I just got done playing an embarrassing amount of The Sims and trust me, you cannot leave those fuckers alone for more than a day without one of them dying or accidentally setting something on fire. So, yeah, I think I know what it’s like.” At press time, Kempton reportedly began to work on her overdue ENC 1102 essay before deciding to type a lengthy Facebook post ranting against assigned word counts.