I’m Sorry, But The FAU Pep Band Sounds Like Dying Horses

Multiple reports this afternoon have come across The Hoot tip line regarding FAU’s pep band – known for playing at every basketball game this season. Mind you, FAU is not known for their arts and performances, so we sent out a team to do a little more digging on the subject. 

Initial reports came out that the Dorothy F. Schmidt College of Arts and Letters has required the music department to have a pep band play at the all but crowded basketball games. Most of the members are FAU Highschool music students and freshmen who took AP Music Theory in high school. When asked why they wanted to play in the pep band, one student, Billy Trudeau, said, “I joined the pep band to make friends. It’s hard to meet people during quarantine and my nightly Omegle calls only get me so far. I think we’re pretty rad if I say so myself. Oops gotta go – the trombones are having a ‘Who can spit the farthest on the court’ contest.” 

After reviewing video footage of the various pieces the pep band has performed, we have come to the conclusion that the band indeed sounds like dying horses. “I honestly had to leave half way through the first half because I couldn’t stand the band,” sophomore Yvonne Watkins remarked. “It doesn’t help that all the student seats are one seat to the left of the band. I can’t imagine how the players must feel – one of them passed out due to ‘dehydration’ but we all know it was from the band.”

News has spread to the Music department, and the Chair of the department has angrily declined to speak with us. The fans of FAU basketball are protesting the return of the pep band until they sound like croaking whales, at the bare minimum. Their latest Twitter rants have stated that [the fans] would enjoy some regular stand tunes including “Seven Nation Army, Hey Baby!, and a Hamilton Rendition of WAP.”

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