Earlier this week, The Hoot caught word of an exhilarating pastime some students were partaking in, so, naturally, we sent a reporter to check it out. Our reporter stumbled upon something unprecedented, and illegal: an iguana fighting ring full of students gambling and screaming obscenities.
“We call it ‘Lizard League,’ and it has become so much bigger than I could’ve ever imagined,” said the host of the fighting ring, Sherbert Shuckley. According to Shuckley, it all started when he and a bunch of friends witnessed two iguanas fighting by the pond near the Arts and Letters building. “We all just sort of picked the one we thought would win the fight, and it was just so…exhilarating,” he said with a wild look of excitement.
Our reporter then went on to ask about the iguanas that were present in the room. “The big orange one is Godzilla, he’s never lost a fight. He’s also the lizard I bet on in that first fight we saw at the pond,” he said, almost tearing up. “He’s my best friend.” The other iguanas present were named Slytherin, Lucifer, and Mark Zuckerberg, who apparently looks like he’s “trying to steal your data and wear your skin,” another student present in the room said.
After watching a match between Godzilla and Zuckerberg, our reporter was so horrified by what they saw, that they immediately reported it to an RA. Things reportedly went “bat shit” after that. FAUPD was called, and students were seen running off with their own iguanas we assume they caught on campus. Shuckley was reportedly heard screaming in his apartment “GODZILLA NOOO!” followed by a gunshot.
At press time, our reporter has found out that Godzilla was killed at the scene after whipping an officer with its tail.