In an unexpected move, Mr. Wigglesworth the Shar-Pei has been recruited by Lane Kiffin to become FAU’s new starting first-string fullback. Mr. Wigglesworth had a stellar performance in this year’s Puppy Bowl despite barely moving a muscle, preferring instead to lie on the floor and nestle on the turf. It was this tenacious stonewalling that caught Kiffin’s sharp recruiting eye. “That boy is as solid as a rock,” said Kiffin while giving Mr. Wigglesworth a toasty oatmeal bath. “He’s exactly what this team needs. Not even Brandon Graham can get past him.”
Wigglesworth’s only flaw the entire game was receiving a 5-yard penalty for excessive snoozing, to which he quickly recovered by dragging his bottom across the field. Although Mr. Wigglesworth’s team, Team Ruff, lost the title to Team Fluff, the rosy Shar-Pei was given the Underdog award for his charisma, perseverance, and warm, fluffy cuddles.