Lane Kiffin Registers All Campus Raccoons as Service Animals After Navy Loss

Facing the loss of FAU football’s first home game against Navy, Head Coach Lane Kiffin contacted the National Service Animal Registry to arrange for all raccoons on FAU’s Boca Raton campus to be collected and go through proper training overnight to become certified emotional service animals. Each player on the team will be assigned at least one emotional support raccoon, with some receiving up to six. “I firmly believe this is a step in the right direction for our boys,” stated Kiffin. “They’re tired of being beaten, hated, disliked for their immoral past… This team needs some positivity and comfort in order to come back from their losses and stand strong. These cute raccoons will help the entire campus, but most importantly those who play football, to heal,” stated Kiffin. At press time, Kiffin was seen curled up in a ball in the middle of the FAU Football Stadium, cuddling a baby raccoon. “This little guy’s named Rascal… *sniffs* and that one’s… also Rascal.”