Latest Millennial Trend Takes FAU by Storm: Scoliosis

Forget your man-buns and crop tops. Forget your Calvin Klein undergarments and hipster eyewear. It’s time for the latest scoop on the hottest Spring trend of 2017: Scoliosis. Good posture? Erect spines? Those things are sooooo 2000 and late. Be a cool kid and slump that hump!

This trend isn’t just campus-wide: it’s extended throughout the nation. Beachfront boutiques have revamped their merchandise and are now selling back braces and hammers so that customers can get that perfect angle. Smartphone companies are selling phones that only work if you look at them from a 68 degree angle. Even Selena Gomez caught on and started dating Sloth from the Goonies, because his hump is “totes chic.”

Sophomore fashionista Janeen Goodall gave us some insight into how Scoliosis took the U.S. by storm. “It all started with a Snapchat where Kylie Jenner was petting an orangutan. Suddenly, everybody was slumping over in their seats!” she said, adjusting her spine-curving brace. “You see, this trend is a throwback to evolution. If you get with the slump, you can really feel that connection to our past ape brethren. Plus, like, this ISN’T up for debate. It makes you look hot af.”

Say what you want about this trend but, like scoliosis itself, it won’t be going away anytime soon.