Liberal Organization Donates Giant Hamster Cage for Conservative Protesters at FAU

Holding true to their goal of unity, the American Gykes for Freedom and Equal Opinions (AGFEO), known for their outspoken leader’s liberal stance on social issues, donated a 15’ x 15’ x 15’ hamster cage to FAU for use by conservative protesters outside the Social Sciences building.

According to AGFEO spokesperson Armando Gaye, the organization donated the cage as a peace offering between them and those with differing views. “During our last visit to the FAU campus, after roaming free on the Breezeway and harassing students with our guilt-inducing questions, we found something unacceptable: an old man, screaming his bible-thumpin’ beliefs at laughing students from behind a circular fenced-off area. Keeping someone behind a circular fence is nothing short of inhumane. We knew right then and there that they deserved a cube-shaped cage.”

The cage comes fully equipped with posterboard, markers, aborted fetuses, purity rings, American flags, and containers of mixed nuts so students can participate in feedings. The cage is also made of a durable transparent plastic to maximize the protesters’ visibility and avoid rusting during rain. “We believe in free speech,” Gaye claimed. “Without those amenities, how would anyone have taken them seriously?”

When asked by a Hoot reporter about hidden motives behind the seemingly charitable donation, Gaye deflected the comment, instead saying, “The day we can stick someone in a cage without being questioned is the day we know we’ve made a difference.” No matter which side of the cage you’re on, it seems making your point is never easy.