On Wednesday morning, liberal voter Samantha Jones woke up in her Ft. Lauderdale house, shocked to find herself still alive with the rest of the world intact. After watching Trump win the election the previous night, Jones reportedly left farewell voice messages to all of her phone contacts, before retreating to a homemade underground bomb shelter that she made just in case of this very circumstance. There, Jones allegedly slept while hoping that she would wake up and survive what she dubbed “the overnight armageddon.” When the morning came, Jones was reportedly spotted crawling out of the bomb shelter while shocked to see that not only was the sun still in the sky, but that she was in fact alive and well.
“I’m not sure if I am dreaming, or if I’m actually still alive,” said Jones. “I was suspecting at least some type of nuclear fallout or deadly plague to destroy us after Trump was elected, but I guess I am just surprised that me and my love ones are not dead.”
At press time, Jones was still apprehensive about the world not ending since Trump indeed won the election, and is planning on spending another “week or 4 full years” in the bomb shelter. When asked who she voted for, Jones replied, “I was too busy making this shelter and preparing for the worst to cast my vote.”