Concerned over whether people understand his passion for inhaling nicotine-laced water vapor, FAU sophomore Samson O’Neill blew out a large mist in the middle the Breezeway on Friday afternoon to remind everyone that he does, in fact, smoke electronic cigarette machines.
O’Neill, an avid “vapist” for over three years, has always made his vaping habit apparent. “I never leave home without my e-pen,” O’Neill stated. “And even if it causes my lungs to fail, I don’t rest until every room I walk into looks like a fucking smog-filled Los Angeles skyline.” However, as of Tuesday evening, he began to question whether people truly get that he vapes. “It was terrible,” O’Neill explained. “One minute I was ripping fat clouds, and the next I was doubting everything I’d ever known.”
Though he informs everybody he comes into contact with that he vapes, O’Neill remains unsettled. “It’s been a rough couple of days,” O’Neill said. “I wake in the middle of the night, sweating profusely as I forward mass chain messages to all my contacts asking if they get that I vape.” Determined for answers, O’Neill conducted a poll on his Twitter account, inquiring if people truly comprehend. The results were unequivocal, as a shocking four hundred and twenty out of four hundred and twenty answered “yes.”
“Those numbers could easily have been fabricated,” a discouraged O’Neill went on to say, as he took a long and thoughtful drag from his e-cigarette. “Or maybe it’s me that doesn’t get that I vape, while everybody else does. I think I’ve just been paranoid ever since I started using this new e-juice. It’s called Child Soldier; it’s made with real bits of AK-47 and zebra placenta.”
When asked whether his general vaping habits may be the cause of his paranoia, O’Neill shrugged and said, “No man, it’s all natural and healthy. Only 5% nicotine. I just need to blow fatter clouds. That’ll fix everything.”