Saying that the film’s dense themes and poignant social commentary would require time to process, area man Brian Hill told reporters Wednesday that he will be withholding his general opinion on Dwayne Johnson’s new film Skyscraper until after verifying its Rotten Tomatoes score. “I’m gonna give the Tomatometer a few more days to balance out before I share my thoughts,” said Hill, adding that while he was impressed by the film’s visuals and well-choreographed action, he would have to first consult the majority of film critics before offering his personal review. “I really hope I like it.”
Sources familiar with the situation claim that last week Hill watched Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, and while he reportedly stepped outside for several smoke breaks and texted throughout almost the entire runtime, he praised the film after seeing it held a 92% approval rating on the review aggregator website.
“I’m hard-pressed to remember Brian ever presenting an original piece of film criticism,” said John Bennett, one of Hill’s roommates. “One time our Wi-Fi went out for three days after watching Goon: Last of the Enforcers, and he didn’t speak a word to any of us the whole time until it came back on. Then he tried to pass off a negative review of the movie as his own, even though he was clearly just reading the critical consensus on Rotten Tomatoes verbatim from his phone.”
At press time, Hill was asked if he is excited to see The Equalizer 2 but was unable to respond after finding that the film had not received a score yet.