A Message from Lane Kiffin: “Football.”

Sup. It’s Lane Kiffin. I’m just reaching out to let you know that we play football here. That’s right, Florida Atlantic is a football university now. We just won our conference championship, so I’m just sending the memo to all you fucktards who still make fun of our football team. Stop that shit. We are good now, asshats.

For all you people who have too much time on your hands and actually gave a shit this season, great job. Congrats. You made history. Woohoo. I am not being forced to say that by President Kelly and it is definitely not in my contract. Go Owls! Really.

Oh by the way, I love the Lane Train shit. Keep doing it. I like being worshiped like a god. It helps me forget about all the people who used to hate me. Also doesn’t hurt with the young babes at Club Boca.

The boys did it. And by boys, I mean boy. And by boy, I mean me. I did it. So now I’m just letting you all know that we play football here at FAU.

Keep worshiping me. I will never leave, Florida Atlantic. Never. I promise, no matter how many millions more I’m offered elsewhere. I really love the beach. Hoot hoot, motherfuckers. Remember, we play football.