The United States National Weather Service has confirmed that the thirteenth hurricane of this season, Hurricane Matt, is unsure of its trajectory in life. Matt’s parents, the Wind and the Sea, birthed him during the summer of 1993 in the Atlantic Ocean, where he would spend his formative years. After attaining a Communications degree at the local community college, Matt’s parents forced him out to live on his own — a decision which could have major ramifications, but probably won’t. “I dunno, man, where should I go from here? I always acted like I had a plan when family would ask me, but here I am, facing Cuba, Mexico, and Florida, and I’m like, gee, way to be like every other hurricane in your generation,” Matt said while whirling aimlessly through the Caribbean Sea. “I want to be different, you know? Not just achieve the American Dream. I want to mean something.” At press time, the National Weather Service confirmed that Matt was most likely going to dissipate and die before reaching landfall.