In order to cope with the increasing student debt that comes with every college semester, super-senior Sandra Fields recommends her effective mantra: “mo’ money, mo’ problems.” Selling one’s soul away to pay for education while also having to pay for basic living expenses such as food and water can become costly. Students like Fields, who are desperately attempting to cope with the crippling cost of college, claim that this may be for a reason. “Maybe I’m just not meant to have money,” theorized Fields, deleting dozens of late payment email notifications from her bank. “Maybe FAU’s taking all of my money and will to live for a reason! I’ll be happier this way. I just know it.” At press time, sources reveal Brooke was spotted outside of her dorm giving away all of her possessions, claiming “it’s what the College Board wants.”
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