We’ve all heard them. The freshmen that rev their sports car’s engine to quickly make the jump from zero to the speed limit of 25mph on East University Drive. I’m sure we all have that one friend who makes the same rote joke whenever they drive past: “Oh wow, I’m sure that person must have a huge dick.” One such freshman, Engineering major and Tau Beta Pi member, Scott Cloud requested an interview with Hoot reporters regarding this rote comment.
“I mean I don’t really appreciate the joke,” Cloud said. “I mean my penis isn’t, like, huge. I’m sporting about like two-and-a-half, maybe three, inches, and previous girlfriends have said it was ‘cute’ and ‘perfectly fine.’ Granted those relationships didn’t really last long after we got some bedroom time in, but I mean, y’know, not everyone is for everyone else. But like this joke is affecting the action I’m getting now. As soon as girls see my car they begin to laugh. When I rev my ‘stang’s engine people giggle and make that same ‘huge dick’ sarcastic joke.”
After speaking to Cloud for 35 minutes, our reporter finally asked him why he wanted the interview. Cloud responded, “I just wanted to get information out there,” Cloud responded “that the joke hurts my feelings and that my two-and-a-half-inch dick is average sized. I promise, ladies.”
At press time, Cloud was last seen doing doughnuts in the IRT parking lot, asking girls passing by “will you date me” from his Mustang’s open window.