Newfound Confidence Actually Due To Those 3 Extra Shots Of Espresso Every Morning

If you’ve been feeling unusually motivated for your classes this year, studies say it may be due to your increased caffeine intake. This is the case for junior Sociology major Joe Brewski, who reportedly begins every morning with a Trenta Iced Caramel Cold Brew from Starbucks.

“It gets me steamrolling through my morning block of classes every day, making me feel bright, eager to learn, and proud of how far I’ve come as an individual,” Brewski said in a statement, adding that as the caffeine wears off every afternoon, he finds the decrease in positive energy extremely unmotivating, leading to a lack of productivity.

“I soon realize everything is a facade,” Brewski went on to say. “Reality is a stressful place. No amount of bean water can save me from my inner demons. I need to really get my shit together because I have a lot of work to do.” To fight this decaffeinated depression, many have resorted to consuming coffee again mid-afternoon which may over time lead to addiction and substance abuse as a way of coping with reality.

Starbucks and other coffee shops on FAU’s Boca Raton campus have recently responded by offering half-caffeinated and decaffeinated beverages for those in need. Support groups are available at CAPS along with caffeine patches for those who suffer from severe caffeine addiction and are trying to quit.