An Open Letter From Your Online Homework: “You Don’t Do Me Like You Used To”

Dearest Z12345678,

I am writing you for one simple reason: You just don’t do me like you used to. You aren’t consistent anymore. You don’t even check up on me to see how I’m doing, like if I need something or if I really need to be done. You’re so busy you just forget about me sometimes! It’s like you don’t care about me anymore. It’s like I’m nothing to you. I thought we really had something.

But you weren’t always like this. Heck, back just after syllabus week, you’d make sure to do me every night. Or at least check on me every night and make sure to do me, and do me well whenever I needed it. Is it something I did? Did I change? Do I not excite you? I miss you.

I feel like I’m just an obligation to you. Sometimes you’ll be on Canvas checking up on your other classes and see me in the sidebar and realize, “Oh shit, I only have six hours until this homework is due, guess I’ll have to cram it tonight by midnight.” You keep just doing me at the last second and putting no effort into the quality of your performance. Where’s the passion? Where’s that youthful fire in your eyes I remember from the first time you did me? You were so determined, so mindful of every little question on my exam. But it’s like you don’t love me anymore. Do you still love me? Did you ever love me?

It’s okay if you don’t — I understand you may have a life unrelated to the subject matter of the online homework that I am, so I’d like to offer you a peace treaty. You are forgiven for abandoning me. But for your own good, and also mine, please start doing me again.


Your Online Homework