Top 5 On-Campus Locations To Trespass When You’re Bored
Alone tonight again? Pathetic. Don’t worry, though, because we’ve got you covered. Here’s our top-five list of on-campus locations to trespass when you’re bored. 1.)…
Female Student Grows Better Mustache Than Most Guys On Campus
November is a month of many names, including No Shave November, No Nut November, and Movember. One female FAU student decided to participate in Movember,…
Sexy TA Just Wants His Students To Fucking Listen
After an influx of poor grades from his students, devastatingly handsome Introduction to Philosophy teaching assistant Tony Reyes is “done with this shit.” According to…
Comic Book Professor Annoyed At Being Known As ‘Comic Book Professor’
“Frankly, it’s frustrating,” commented Professor Ernie Bertinski, a professor of English, when asked about the comic book-themed nicknames he has been called this semester. Over…
BREAKING: FAU To Turn Old Starbucks Into Another Starbucks
Sources are now confirming that FAU has developed plans to turn the old Starbucks site on the Breezeway into another Starbucks. Customers were shocked to…
Is The Service In IVA Really That Bad Or Am I Just Getting Ghosted?
Listen, I can handle rejection. That’s just the truth. It rarely happens, but when it does, it gets me sky-high. Rejection feels quite natural to…
FAU To Build Beach On Campus
Unable to handle Spanish River Beach being a full twelve minutes from campus, FAU has finally decided to rectify the situation and construct an artificial…
Two Injured In Devastating Lane Train Collision
FAU’s university-renowned and universally loved locomotive has experienced its first derailment in Game Week history. On Monday, a rogue Lane Train brutally struck two innocents…
FAU Fails To Address Giant Asteroid Hurtling Toward Campus
In the days following initial reports of the impending calamity, Florida Atlantic University has continued to disregard the giant asteroid hurtling straight toward the Boca…
‘This Ranch Lowkey Slaps,’ Says Midwesterner After Visiting Florida Ranch
After visiting a local ranch in Okeechobee, Florida, Carter Sleeth, an FAU transfer student formerly from Youngstown, Ohio, declared, “This ranch lowkey slaps.” When questioned…