FAU Rec Center Feeling “Empty Inside” After Everyone Failed Their New Year’s Resolution
Students taking classes in the Forkas Alumni Center have begun calling in to the Hoot’s Super Secret NewsRoom to tell us that the Rec Center,…
This Just In: FAU To Begin Issuing Fast Passes To Skip The Pollo Tropical Line
Inside sources at the Breezeway Food Court recently revealed that they will soon begin issuing fast passes for a faster line at the Pollo Tropical….
Psychology Department To Host First Annual Skinner Box Games
This week the Psychology Department has announced that they will be picking tributes for the first annual Skinner Box Games. All students who are Psychology…
Owlsley To Reporters: “Don’t Talk To Me Or My Son Ever Again”
Late Thursday afternoon after being crowded by a rush of paparazzi and university news network reporters, the normally happy-go-lucky FAU mascot, Owlsley, may have lost…
FAU Stadium To Host Super Bowl
Nearly an hour north of the Miami Gardens Hard Rock Stadium, awaits another prestigious bowl in an, arguably, equally iconic stadium. After months of debate…
An Open Letter From The Local Try Hard Who Needs Validation For Skipping Class
Hey everyone, it’s me. The coolest kid on campus. Why am I the coolest kid on campus you may ask? For one simple reason: I…
Horoscopes For The Week Of January 27th
Aquarius Holy shit fuck it’s Aquarius season, Aquarius. Fuck all the “curb your spending and eating habits this week because Taco Bell and McDonalds aren’t…
Snow Birds And Other Signs Of The Apocalypse
A chill hangs in the air. Here at FAU, it is not common for us to don sweaters and jackets, but it does tend to…
Smart Student Always Called On Last Gets Hand Amputated
The paramedic’s were called to Prof. Andy Furgison’s 9am 20th Century Literary Movements course after Jack Dunn passed out mid-class. Hoot reporters were on the…
Failed Pitches Of 2019
𝘈𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 2019 𝘏𝘰𝘰𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴, 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦…