Mustang Owning Freshman Promises He Has An Average Sized Penis
We’ve all heard them. The freshmen that rev their sports car’s engine to quickly make the jump from zero to the speed limit of 25mph…
Wimberly Library To Install Face Scanners In Orwellian Near Future
After weeks of speculation, Hoot reporters have received exciting news from the College of Engineering! In addition to the new ‘AI Sandbox’ currently under construction…
IVA Resident Kicked Out After RA’s Find Illegal Iguana Fighting Ring
Earlier this week, The Hoot caught word of an exhilarating pastime some students were partaking in, so, naturally, we sent a reporter to check it…
FAU Rec Center Feeling “Empty Inside” After Everyone Failed Their New Year’s Resolution
Students taking classes in the Forkas Alumni Center have begun calling in to the Hoot’s Super Secret NewsRoom to tell us that the Rec Center,…
This Just In: FAU To Begin Issuing Fast Passes To Skip The Pollo Tropical Line
Inside sources at the Breezeway Food Court recently revealed that they will soon begin issuing fast passes for a faster line at the Pollo Tropical….
Psychology Department To Host First Annual Skinner Box Games
This week the Psychology Department has announced that they will be picking tributes for the first annual Skinner Box Games. All students who are Psychology…
Owlsley To Reporters: “Don’t Talk To Me Or My Son Ever Again”
Late Thursday afternoon after being crowded by a rush of paparazzi and university news network reporters, the normally happy-go-lucky FAU mascot, Owlsley, may have lost…
FAU Stadium To Host Super Bowl
Nearly an hour north of the Miami Gardens Hard Rock Stadium, awaits another prestigious bowl in an, arguably, equally iconic stadium. After months of debate…
An Open Letter From The Local Try Hard Who Needs Validation For Skipping Class
Hey everyone, it’s me. The coolest kid on campus. Why am I the coolest kid on campus you may ask? For one simple reason: I…
Horoscopes For The Week Of January 27th
Aquarius Holy shit fuck it’s Aquarius season, Aquarius. Fuck all the “curb your spending and eating habits this week because Taco Bell and McDonalds aren’t…