FAU CAPS: ‘It Be Like That Sometimes’
With the beginning of the new semester, Florida Atlantic University’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) has reportedly begun testing out a new approach for their…
‘Now, Where Were We?’ Asks Professor, As If Anyone Was Listening
Wrapping up a long-winded tangent irrelevant to the lecture, FAU literature professor Andrew Cox asked his class Monday upon realizing that he had strayed off-topic,…
Breaking: This Man Ate Everything
Several students and staff members were appalled Friday when a man entered the Atlantic Dining Hall and proceeded to consume everything. “There’s no rhyme or…
Spaceship Building Remodel To Include Teleportation Room
Finally addressing the temporary fencing placed around the Social Science Building, FAU publicly unveiled Thursday the long-awaited blueprints to the Spaceship Building remodel. While construction…
Super Senior Can’t Stop Reminding Everybody It’s His Last Semester
With the spring term having started, many students are preparing for their last semester at FAU. While excitement is common among these students, super senior…
Late Commuter Student Gets Blue Shell
Multiple injuries and fatalities occurred Friday morning on Interstate 95 when an explosion caused by an FAU commuter student sent multiple cars soaring in various…
FAU High Schoolers Can’t Stress Enough How ‘Okay’ They Are
After noticing how worried fellow students had become at their immense and stressful workload, FAU High School students made sure to stress Thursday how ‘okay’…
‘I’ll Check That Out,’ Says Friend With No Intention Of Checking Out Netflix Recommendation
Expressing a feigned enthusiasm that only a practiced liar could muster, local man Aaron Gaines, who has no intention of following his friend Eric Bernard’s…
Student Returns With High Hopes For Spring Semester, Drops Every Class
FAU sophomore Rachel Gomez, who previously had high hopes for her fresh start this spring semester, announced Friday that she would be dropping every single…
Masturbator Can’t Wait To Jack It While Roommate Sleeps
New roommate and avid masturbator Darren Doyle was reportedly staking out his roommate late last night in the hopes to score a quickie with his…