‘Deal With It,’ Says FAU In Response To Permanent Stoppage Of Student Union Construction
The Student Union’s construction has left many students scared and confused in its wake. What will become of the ever-present smell of desperation and body…
Jealous Ex Knows Just How Much Fun You’re Having Through Your Venmo Transactions
After a week of going out with friends, your terribly attached ex is one-hundred percent aware of just how great your life is through the…
UVA Secedes From FAU
Reports coming in from FAU’s Department of Housing state that in the early hours of December 6, 2019, a secret cabal met in the recreation…
Professor Offers Up Left Tit For Constructive SPOT Review
As the 2019 fall semester comes to a close, professors all over campus have begun desperately milking their students for completed SPOT reviews. While some…
An Open Letter To The People Making Macaroni And Cheese In The Library
It’s hard to not hear you guys when I’m sitting in between the bookshelves on the third floor. If you’re going to make macaroni and…
Top 5 Thanksgiving Dishes Grandma Will Shove Down Your Throat This Year
Thanksgiving is a time for everyone to sit down, bond over delicious food, and celebrate being thankful for your family members, even Grandma. Here are…
Top 5 On-Campus Locations To Trespass When You’re Bored
Alone tonight again? Pathetic. Don’t worry, though, because we’ve got you covered. Here’s our top-five list of on-campus locations to trespass when you’re bored. 1.)…
Female Student Grows Better Mustache Than Most Guys On Campus
November is a month of many names, including No Shave November, No Nut November, and Movember. One female FAU student decided to participate in Movember,…
Sexy TA Just Wants His Students To Fucking Listen
After an influx of poor grades from his students, devastatingly handsome Introduction to Philosophy teaching assistant Tony Reyes is “done with this shit.” According to…
Comic Book Professor Annoyed At Being Known As ‘Comic Book Professor’
“Frankly, it’s frustrating,” commented Professor Ernie Bertinski, a professor of English, when asked about the comic book-themed nicknames he has been called this semester. Over…