Weird Guy In Creative Writing Writes Poem About Boobs Again
Still apparently unable to register feelings of embarrassment, uncomfortable students reported Monday that their weird creative writing classmate once again chose boobs as the theme…
FAU Builds Second Floor Of Cafeteria To Accommodate Sudden Increase Of Vegans And Vegetarians
FAU has announced Friday that they are in the process of developing a fifteen million dollar second floor for the Atlantic Dining Hall to accommodate…
Excited Freshman Joins PEN15 Club
On Wednesday morning, excitable freshman Connor Andrews signed up for a mysterious allegiance entitled PEN15 Club. Andrews was reportedly lured into joining by a PEN15…
Chicken Patty Sandwich With Fries Declared Official Depression Meal Of Atlantic Dining Hall
Sources confirmed Monday that the Atlantic Dining Hall has declared the chicken patty sandwich with fries its official depression meal. Every Saturday night, just before…
Breaking: Trump Pays Owlsley Hush Money For Sexual Favors
On June 24, 2006, during his stay at a nearby Residence Inn, then business mogul, Donald Trump, was reported to have paid FAU’s mascot, Owlsley,…
Study Finds There Are Never Enough Employees At Outtakes When You Need Them
After Wednesday morning’s 9:30 Outtakes line stretched all the way to the Jow Jing across the food court, FAU’s administrators conducted a study that found…
Freshman Spends Entire Financial Aid Refund On Makeup She’ll Stop Using In 3 Weeks
Financial Aid refunds have been processed and the doe-eyed Freshman Caitlyn Rutledge could not contain her excitement of having an extra $2,000 in her brand…
Mark Zuckerberg Buys Canvas; Russian Students Rejoice
On Friday, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg finalized his purchase of the Canvas learning management system. “We plan to revolutionize the social experience and application of…
Student Throws Himself In Front Of FAU Golf Cart To Help Pay Tuition
On Wednesday morning, one exceptionally brave student made the decision to throw himself in front of an FAU golf cart in an attempt to help…
Newfound Confidence Actually Due To Those 3 Extra Shots Of Espresso Every Morning
If you’ve been feeling unusually motivated for your classes this year, studies say it may be due to your increased caffeine intake. This is the…