Student Already Practicing How To Ask For Extra Credit Instead Of Studying
With midterms finishing up and the spring semester halfway through, sophomore Lily Terrence has begun to practice what she will say to her professor when…
‘I Don’t Have Time To Do Homework,’ Complains Student Who Spent Past Three Hours Doing Absolutely Nothing
Overwhelmed by her accumulating mass of unfinished school assignments, FAU student Marie Kempton complained Monday that she does not possess the time to complete her…
Local Leprechaun Gets Pot Stolen
Two days before Saint Patrick’s Day, local leprechaun Murphy McDonald-Walsh III, reported his pot stolen. Walsh claimed that the pot was worth an extensive amount…
President Kelly Offended No Celebrities Paid To Get Their Child Into FAU
Amidst the accusations against the many celebrities and wealthy who have illegally paid enormous sums to guarantee their children a spot in different universities, President…
Girl With Anxiety Has Folder Specifically For Papers She Receives On The Breezeway
Sources reported Monday that Alexa Stevenson, an FAU sophomore with chronic anxiety, has been storing every handout she receives on the Breezeway in a specific…
Senior Swears His Beer Tastes Great
Sources are now confirming that 21-year-old Rodney Lapinski, a Florida Atlantic University senior, made claims at the party he was attending Thursday night that his…
5 Things You’re Actually Not Going To Achieve This Spring Break
Every year Spring Break comes around, and every year we all plan to do things that we don’t have time for during the regular semester….
Anti-Gay Preacher Gets Ass Rammed
Proclaiming the sinful nature of homosexuality from atop a folding stool situated near the entrance of the Breezeway, an unidentified anti-LGBT preacher reportedly got his…
Student Claims Dog Ate His Discussion Board Post
On Friday, student Logan Wood reportedly alleged that his four-year-old Shih Tzu ate his two-paragraph Film Theory discussion board response before its 11:59 p.m. submission…
Student Shocked This Really Isn’t Something He Could Do In One Night
Despite receiving numerous warnings from his professor at the beginning of the spring semester, junior Jeff Brown was utterly shocked Wednesday to discover that he…