Drunk Philosopher at Party Reminds Guests That ‘Everything is Subjective’
At a party hosted by the FAU Wine Club on Monday night, drunk guest and self-proclaimed philosopher Falcon Hawkmoon reminded all attending that everything in…
Traveling Student Detained by TSA Due to Suspiciously Small Penis
In going through routine security checkpoints at Fort Lauderdale–Hollywood International Airport, harmless FAU sophomore Jeff Camby was detained Wednesday by the TSA due to his…
Girl Surgically Attaches Dog Snout to Face to Emulate Popular Snapchat Filter
Nineteen-year-old Melissa Jacobs recently made the surprising decision to surgically attach the family dog’s snout to her face, after reportedly being inspired by one of…
Distraught Zodiac Killer Awkwardly Crashes Student End-of-Semester Party
Shunned away from his own post-campaign reception, former United States Presidential nominee and confirmed Zodiac Killer Ted Cruz attempted to crash an end-of-semester student party…
Report: Graduating Seniors Purposely Failing Exams to Stay in College
Studies into the phenomenon of seniors failing their exams this semester have revealed that students have been purposely failing their exams in order to stay…
7 Babies Who Will Fail Their Finals This Week
They may have been studying, but these seven babies have no chance of passing their exams this week. 1. Isabelle If you were taking a…
FAU Opens Fight Club to Help Students Relieve Finals Week Stress
FAU has recently opened an underground fighting club with the intention of helping students cope with the overwhelming stress induced by finals week. After several…
How to Live Like a Lifestyle Guru on a College Budget
By Carrie Burgendorf Lifestyle Gurus like Tiffany Amber Thiessen and Haylie Duff have recently flooded the internet with their advice, metaphysical ramblings, and thoughts on…
Local Stoner Celebrates 4/20 by Smoking 24/7
In honor of the sacred day that is 4/20, FAU junior and full-time stoner James Bentley decided that the time was right for him to…
Report: Macho Man With Water Jug Awes Classmates
At 9:45 A.M., it was reported that sophomore Jake Evans, a local #GymRat, walked into his Intro to Psychology course with his textbook in one…