FAU Student Government Legalizes Recreational Marijuana on Campus
After a failed semester of the campus-wide No Smoking policy, the legislative representatives of FAU’s student body voted unanimously to give up on the policy…
Student Union B.O. Scented Air Freshener Replaced with B.O. Scented Man
The mysterious B.O. smell in the FAU Student Union, long thought caused by intense, sweaty games of Super Smash Bros in the gaming corner, was…
FAU Parking Officer Achieves Orgasm While Ticketing Cars
After dozens of reported cases, it has now been confirmed that FAU officers reach sexual climax every time they ticket a student’s vehicle. “I can’t…
Absentee Voter Gives Up on Democracy Due to Lack of Sticker
Tuesday afternoon, FAU sophomore Stefanie Heagen decided to all-out give up on the democratic process due to the fact that she did not receive the…
Trump Changes Mind After Trying Bomb-Ass Mexican Food
Republican presidential front-runner Donald J. Trump is reported to have changed his mind on his stern anti-Mexico immigration policy after trying enchiladas at an authentic Mexican…
Student Disillusioned by Ordinary and Plain South Florida Spring Break
Andrew Jennings, a freshman liberal arts major who moved down from Nebraska to Florida at the beginning of Fall semester, was thoroughly disappointed upon his…
Naked Old People Are Everywhere and No One Knows What to Do
Old people have discovered the meaning of Spring Break. This shocking revelation became quite clear this morning, when the rising sun was met by rising,…
Report: Dickwad Squirrels Move for Nobody
The amount of squirrel-related harm to human beings at FAU has increased 52% in the past year, according to a study conducted by the University’s…
Frat Boys Hospitalized Before Spring Break Even Begins
Thursday night, Local Frat Bro Falcon Hawkmoon was hospitalized preemptively along with several of his brothers in preparation for Spring Break 2016. Although nothing was…
Food Court Employee Gets Customer’s Name Right On First Try
Tom Welch, an FAU senior, got a real surprise Tuesday morning when he went to pick up his order at the Einstein Bagels in the…