Pedestrian Takes Sweet Time Crossing Street

On Wednesday morning, FAU Sophomore and part-time pedestrian Ana Waltz, with zero consideration for drivers and a complete lack of human decency, took her sweet ass time to cross University Drive on FAU’s main campus. The first driver in the long line of stalled cars was senior Gerald Hicks, who claimed that at first he thought Waltz was “on her phone” and that as soon as she noticed the ten-car line waiting for her “snail ass,” she would change her pace. “I thought she would at least try doing that partial-jog thing,” claimed a baffled Gerald. But multiple sources confirmed that halfway through her minutes-long journey to the other side of the street, Ana stopped in her tracks, turned her head to Gerald, stared straight into his eyes, whispered “I have the right of way, hun,” and continued walking even slower while keeping her eyes firmly planted on his. Gerald later admitted that he was terrified of the situation and that “never has a pedestrian been so firm” with him. When asked if this will change his interactions with future “slow ass” pedestrians, he stated, “I’m probably going to just hit and run.”