Professor Offers Up Left Tit For Constructive SPOT Review

As the 2019 fall semester comes to a close, professors all over campus have begun desperately milking their students for completed SPOT reviews. While some professors have offered extra credit or the possibility of a canceled final exam to incentivize their classes into completing the critiques, Criminal Justice professor Dr. Josie Dane has conjured an unorthodox method of getting those SPOT reviews flooding in.

“If all of you beanie babies do your SPOTS, I swear to God I will give up my left tit. It’s comin’ off!” Dane screamed at a class of seventy-five students during her final lecture before Reading Week. “And when they ask you to write out your responses, I don’t want to see any of you putting ‘no comment.’ I’m trying to better myself for you. Please, just take like five minutes and write something constructive. I beg of you.”

What Professor Dane meant by giving up her “left tit” has not yet been determined, but her passionate plea left students shocked and confused, with surrounding faculty concerned whether or not she was serious. 

When asked to clarify her statements, Dane told sources that despite reports of her students avoiding SPOTs due to screaming “tit” in a public setting, never before has she received so many well-thought-out SPOT reviews in all of her years teaching at the collegiate level. 

“It wasn’t nearly enough to follow through on my end,” Dane said. “But at least now I know that if you offer up a left, you will get results.”