On Tuesday night, a class of FAU students discovered that newly hired swimming professor Dr. Nooc was, in fact, two raccoons in a trench coat.
“We never actually saw him swim. He just stood out of the water in an oversized trench coat with a top hat and sunglasses,” said Hanson Grey, one of Dr. Nooc’s pupils. However, after accidentally tripping over a pool noodle during Tuesday night’s class, Dr. Nooc fell into the water and slowly drowned as students took notes on what they believed to be a new swimming technique. It was only after the dead bodies surfaced that the trench coat came off and students realized what they were witnessing.
“I can’t say I was shocked to find my professor was really two raccoons,” said freshman student Aubrey Fallow. “Our class time was mostly spent swimming in the lake outside Parliament and collecting trash that Dr. Nooc would later put in his briefcase.”
Background checks revealed that the two deceased raccoons had a criminal history at FAU, which included theft of food and public indecency. Further research found that the raccoons had also lied on Dr. Nooc’s resume by stating that he had a doctorate, when in actuality each of the raccoons only possessed a bachelor’s degree.
The swimming class is temporarily being taught by veteran professor Dr. Redips while FAU begins its search for a permanent replacement, hoping to avoid hiring any non-human professors in the future.