On Wednesday morning, senior resident assistant Janet Williams reportedly settled a roommate dispute by enacting the newly-introduced Thunderdome policy on the floor of the study lounge. The Thunderdome policy, where students fight to the death for honor, glory, and small roommate disputes, was recently instilled at the end of last week after freshman Hannah Reynolds refused to take out the trash after a fifth roommate mediation meeting with Williams. Since Sunday, the new policy has been extremely effective in settling disputes and helping residents find compromises.
“Have you tried to settle disagreements with a freshman? It’s impossible,” said the RA. “But the new Thunderdome policy has made my life so much easier. Not only do I have fewer roommate complaints and mediation meetings, but now I have fewer residents to worry about!”
“I just love Thunderdome. It’s helped me and my former roommates find compromises,” said freshman Ashley Jenkins, former roommate to students Lizzy Jones, Tonya Smith, and Hannah Black. “I mean just this morning we had a slight altercation, but through the wonderful compromising tool of Thunderdome, we were able to agree that the thermostat will now be set for 72 degrees, permanently.”
At press time, Jenkins had reportedly finished her sixth Thunderdome battle, where she honorably fought for the blinds to be half opened. In recent reports, FAU is deliberating over just tearing down the housing lawn’s sand volleyball court in order to replace it with a gladiatorial arena.