A report published Monday found that boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Monica Rugby, head of FAU’s Department of Psychology, noted that male students who attend the university’s Jupiter campus displayed lower signs of brain activity. Rugby has attributed this to the low oxygen levels around campus, likely due to the high concentration of marijuana smoke covering the atmosphere of Jupiter.
Recently returning from a class held in the Jupiter, senior Robert Badger claimed that he had never seen so many art students gathered in one place at one time. “I don’t know what the hell these people were doing, but there was enough smoke to make Snoop Dogg cry,” said Badgers.
“I could feel myself being sucked into the gravitational pull of Jupiter’s bullshit,” explained junior engineering major Jason Boyd, who recently finished his semester at Davie when he learned that another required class would exclusively be taught at Jupiter.
According to Boyd, the concept of the Jupiter campus is that of an anomaly: no one really knows where it came from, and those who reside there don’t know why they’re there.
At press time, sources confirmed that girls go to college to get more knowledge.