Report: FAU Kinda Ugly

Noting the filthy sidewalks coated in duck feces and severely outdated buildings, sources confirmed Tuesday that FAU is kinda ugly. “The elevator in Parking Garage II always smells like hot milk, and I’m pretty sure that the library hasn’t been renovated in over fifty years,” said student Claire Thompson, covering her nose as she passed by a lake emanating a foul odor on the university’s Boca Raton campus. “Listen, all I’m saying is that this place could do with a good pressure cleaning every once in a while. I mean, have you seen the inside of Arts and Letters? If depression had a head office, it would definitely be in there. Nothing but stark, poorly-lit classrooms with moldy carpet and these tiny desks that look as if they were stolen from an elementary school. My God, and can you believe that people live here?” At press time, Thompson reported that the “U” in “FAU” actually stands for ugly.