Report: Macho Man With Water Jug Awes Classmates

At 9:45 A.M., it was reported that sophomore Jake Evans, a local #GymRat, walked into his Intro to Psychology course with his textbook in one hand and a one gallon jug of water in the other. According to private sources, at the precise moment of his entrance the entire classroom including the professor were dumbfounded by the raw masculinity of Jake and his water jug. “It’s like he doesn’t even drink water like the rest of us, with our puny 16.9-ounce bottles… he is so freakin’ macho that he drinks a whole gallon at once,” said freshman Nick Deitz. When asked to explain why the moment bewildered those at the scene, Professor Vladimir Owens stated, “Those goddamn biceps. That goddamn jug. Have you seen such a Macho Man since Macho Man?” At press time, Evans was seen walking to his car after class, his jug approximately two sips lighter than when he arrived.