Organic Chemistry I teacher assistant Debra Garrison graduated from Palm Beach State, and she doesn’t let anyone forget it. A degree she wears like a badge, that polices her to correct any civilian who confuses her for a student. “Honestly though, I know Ms. G. is our teacher and all, but I swear half of the lab periods consist of us listening to the organics of how she graduated twenty-fifth in her class,” said student Yasmin Thompson, who attends Garrison’s labs on Mondays. “When class is over and I have to ask her questions about the actual assignment, I end up leaving even more confused than when I got there, but hey, at least I know she graduated with a 3.5 GPA.”
“Ever since I got my degree in Chemistry, I feel so accepted into the scholarly world,” said Garrison when asked what her favorite part of being a teaching assistant was. “I am so blessed to be able to educate these kids’ vacant minds on the components of carbon compounds. Giving back to my community is very important to me. How else am I going to make my parents proud of my degree?”
The interview was cut short due to her “having to get her diploma polished at 3 o’clock,” which she reportedly does twice a month. Garrison is registered for one more semester before she earns her master’s degree. Sources claim she already has a shrine prepared for it.