Muttering under his breath and cursing out the individual in front of him, sophomore and selfish asshole Ira Jachowsky was reportedly shocked to find that another selfish asshole had taken up the entire four-person booth he wanted in front of Jow Jings. “I know it doesn’t have my name written on it,” said an appalled Jachowsky. “But, like, that’s my booth. I sit there, like, every day. Look! It even has the imprint of my ass on the soft blue vinyl of the booth.”
Reflecting back to a simpler time, Jachowsky expressed how the booths were once empty and he got his pick of the litter uncontested. “It feels like it was ages ago. I remember when all of the selfish pricks ate their lunch in the bathroom stalls and cried about their feelings because they had so many.”
“Now they just take up everyone’s damn space!” added Jachowsky, taking off his bag and dumping the contents onto a plain four-person table.