Sexy TA Just Wants His Students To Fucking Listen

After an influx of poor grades from his students, devastatingly handsome Introduction to Philosophy teaching assistant Tony Reyes is “done with this shit.” According to sources, Reyes, an underpaid and overworked graduate student whose dark circles under his eyes only enhance his boyish beauty, really just wants his classes to “fucking listen.” 

Reyes’ philosophy course is a “walk in the park” according to his largely failing pupils who have provided anonymous testimonials to reporters: 

“Ten out of ten; would bang.” 

“Man’s got cake.” 

“I literally can’t focus when he’s talking. I need to bring a huge bottle of water to every class because of how much I sweat. I’m parched.” 

The persistence of Reyes’ student fanbase is best observed on the course’s Canvas discussion board, abundant with eggplant emojis and phone numbers. “Everything he says sounds like a song,” said freshman Aleah Rubens. “He is enchanting. Too bad I don’t give a shit about anything he says.” 

“I just want my students to care about the curriculum as much as I do,” spoke Reyes while pensively furrowing his strong, captivating brow. “People can only feign ignorance about Foucault as a reason to visit me so many times. I know they know what sexual repression is. This class is a fucking case. Please just do your homework. Please.”

If you would like to get to see his gorgeous face up close and personal, syllabi with his office hours are being sold for five dollars apiece outside of SO 250 by an anonymous student who also accepts Owl Bucks and 6-packs of Cup Noodles. 

Edit: Reyes has officially rescinded his office hours and released a statement saying, “Just let me eat my goddamn salad.”