Last Friday, FAU’s SGA disputed a bill to fund a decades-old annual art event hosted by FAU art students, instead putting that portion of its $9 million budget towards a Beer Helmet Fund.
In an interview at a $12,000 SGA-funded sorority party, student House Representative Dylan Sawyer explained, “The Beer Helmet Fund enriches the student experience. How are we going to praise our almighty Kiffin without our brews up top? Besides, those smelly hipsters don’t need money for paint brushes. I don’t even think we’re allowed to fund things that make sense.” Sawyer hopes to see everyone at FAU with a beer helmet on their head by his fifth year as a political science major.
The art students of FAU are currently working to fight the Beer Helmet Fund, but have been facing major opposition from bros who just want to go handsfree with their brewskis. Senior art student Jennifer Holzer plans to combat the Fund through a performance art piece in which she will create the first ever papier-mâché wine helmets. She plans to hand out the finished wine helmets to her fellow art students for the final meeting with FAU’s SGA this Friday, where both parties will settle the dispute while wielding their appropriate helmets. Tickets to the event will be sold at the door, and all funds raised will disappear into the bureaucracy that is FAU middle management.