Earlier today, during a seemingly friendly conversation, senior Dani Erskine was asked by a recent acquaintance what she plans to do with her major in studio art. Shocked by the question, she responded loudly and defensively with “Shove it up your ass, yuppie scum!”
Witnesses watched as Erskine threw a fit in the Breezeway, reportedly knocking down the tables of jewelry vendors before returning to the Atlantic Dining Hall to further confront the unnamed individual she had been speaking with.
Realizing her inappropriate response to a person with good intentions, it was reported that Erskine backtracked her first response by following up with:
“Okay, I take that back. I’m going to take half of it, shove it up my own ass, and then I’m going to take the other half and wait until we know each other intimately enough to where you would be comfortable with me shoving the other half in your ass. I won’t even really shove it. I’ll be very gentle and use lots of lubricant and will love and comfort you when you tell me that it’s too intense for you. Then maybe you’ll understand what it means to follow your dreams, no matter their viability.”
In other news, a recent report found that those majoring in a practical field of study live longer since they are not forced to deal with the added stress of having an extremely unforeseeable future, but are more likely to obtain colon-related issues.