Smart Student Always Called On Last Gets Hand Amputated

The paramedic’s were called to Prof. Andy Furgison’s 9am 20th Century Literary Movements course after Jack Dunn passed out mid-class. Hoot reporters were on the scene just as Dunn was being carted away to FAU’s clinic for emergency surgery. 

When asked by reporters what happened, Jason Aranson, one of Dunn’s classmates had this to say: “He always has his hand raised. Dr. Furgison would ask a question and it would be like ‘Wham!’ Jack’s hand was up. Issue was, Dr. F would call on him last. He knows that Jack can answer the question, but wants the other kids to take a shot first.”

Kim Victory, one of Dunn’s friends, is taking one of Dr. Bertinski’s infamous Superhero Comics classes with Dunn. They said that Dr. Bertinski would also call on Dunn last. “When Dr. Bertinski would ask the class something he’d call on everyone else before Jack. Not only that, but if Jack had a question or wanted to comment on the reading, Bertinski wouldn’t even call on him. I’d joke that Bertinski was scared that Jack would ask a question the Doc couldn’t answer. It got to the point that Jack was complaining about his arm hurting, and I would tell him to go to the clinic. I guess he did go, but on a stretcher instead of with his own two feet.”

Just before press time, the Clinic released a statement regarding Dunn’s condition: “Due to the extended amount of time his hand was raised, the blood in his left arm began pooling in his shoulder. The hand, without sufficient blood flow due to it’s perpetually raised position, had become necrotic. Unfortunately, the hand had to be removed. Fortunately, patient Jack Dunn was operated on by a highly trained team of criminally underpaid Nursing GTAs and Sports Medicine Grad Students, and is now in stable condition.”  

Hoot reporters, who were able to access Dunn’s clinic room via an open window and a grappling hook, asked the recent amputee if he had any comments. Dunn responded with “I can’t believe trying to talk about how terrible Joan Didion’s The White Album cost me my second favorite hand.”