FAU Sociology professor Daniel Kubnik suddenly collapsed and died Monday morning during a student PowerPoint presentation. Preliminary results point to the excruciatingly boring presentation as the reason behind his death.
Each of Kubnik’s weekly Intro to Social Homosapien Theory classes consisted of three hour-long student PowerPoint presentations. The presentations became more predictable as the weeks went by, but they were all still bearable and contained enough correct information to where Kubnik could pass it off as a form of teaching. However, Jack Barcel, the second presenter of Monday’s class, surpassed any expectation of how terrible one could be at the task. Barcel reportedly spent 40 minutes softly reading directly off the slides filled from top to bottom with 8-point yellow Comic Sans text before Kubnik’s collapse. The “thud heard ‘round the room” is estimated to have woken all 38 students in the class, most of whom dozed back off immediately afterwards.
“I guess I’m going to miss him. I mean, he was great during syllabus week, but after that he mostly sat in the back of the class and doodled on a notepad,” said student Amy Warfhog, echoing the sentiments of most students. While FAU has not yet announced a replacement professor, the students seem content as they are. “We were already teaching ourselves, and he was already going to give everyone an A,” Warfhog continued. “We spent way too much time during study sessions complaining about him anyways. It’s probably better off like this.”
Services for Professor Kubnik will be held at Our Lady Queen of Sorrows at 9am on Wednesday, February 3. The Kubnik family has hired professional speakers for the service.