With it now being Spring Break, many people are going to tan, and that includes senior Becky Gladstone of Theta Phi Alpha, who brought along a can of PAM cooking oil to the IVA pool so she could achieve that perfect cookie look. Arriving in her PINK bikini, the senior was ready for her tanning with a cooler of Smirnoff Ice and baking spray. Her aviator sunglasses reflected the pool under the brim of her Reagan-Bush ‘84 hat, and the Senior appeared to be thoroughly enjoying her tanning session at the pool. While the PAM reportedly appeared to be working at first, the South Florida heat quickly began to take its toll as Gladstone suffered fourth-degree burns across her body. “Like shit, I was really, like, enjoying myself,” said Gladstone as she was being lifted into an ambulance.
“Cooking spray burns in the heat so applying it to the skin is some stupid shit,” said nurse Joey Ruiz from Boca Raton Regional Hospital. “I was just expecting to pump some stomachs this Spring Break. Now I gotta be here with this dumbass who thought becoming a cookie would be a great thing to talk about at her next chapter meeting.”
“I was, like, getting tan with the cooking spray and drinking, but not for myself,” said the now hospital-bound senior. “I was doing it ‘hashtag for the kids!”