‘Spaceship Building’ Ascends to the Heavens

Many were surprised Tuesday to discover that the the Social Science building, creatively dubbed “the spaceship building,” had indeed been a docked spacecraft the entire time. Students and faculty alike gazed on as the structure suddenly uprooted from the ground and steadily ascended into the afternoon sky, taking everyone inside along with it.

“So, like, does this mean class is cancelled?” asked apathetic freshman Jamie Poole, whose Film Appreciation class was scheduled to begin within the space vessel at its time of ascension. Poole was one of hundreds of students who waited outside the building as it took off, marveling as the ship disappeared among the clouds. Once fifteen minutes passed, however, the students went on with their day as though nothing happened.

Following the anomaly, sources reached out to President Kelly to inquire whether he possessed prior knowledge of the building’s true form. “I had no idea,” Kelly answered, appearing extremely agitated and sweating profusely. “I was right there when it happened, Snapchatting the whole thing with everyone else.”

Despite his statement, many believe Kelly’s uncertainty is merely a facade. The Social Science Building’s sudden departure and the recent unexplained sanctions on the Breezeway have spawned several claims that FAU has become a classified alien research facility, with Kelly clued into everything. These speculations gained even further momentum when an extraterrestrial being was spotted outside Parliament Hall levitating on a strange device. Later reports indicated that it was not an alien, but rather an out of touch student still riding around on a hoverboard.

While the spaceship building’s whereabouts remained unknown for several hours, it did eventually return to FAU without any of the students who were on board during its departure. Incidentally, the ship did not choose to settle into its original position, but instead inexplicably landed in one of the campus’ blue lots, where it was immediately ticketed by an officer for not having a parking decal.