Indian River Towers resident assistant Bernie Lam reportedly noticed a strange odor Friday as he left his room to perform a quick hall check. According to Lam’s roommate, the senior returned to his room and said, “Someone’s smoking that kush-kush on this floor. I can smell it, and they’re not even sharing. I’m busting this bastard.”
Lam then called for a witch hunt, summoning all of IRT’s finest RAs together to bust the unidentified degenerate. Dozens of RAs mobbed Lam’s assigned floor, sniffing everything in sight and knocking on doors to stare into the souls of IRT’s confused residents.
Ultimately, the RA brigade found that none of the residents were stoned and their rooms contained no visible paraphilia, though residents reported to the RAs that the smell of marijuana had been prominent lately.
Defeated, Lam sent all of the RA’s home, but not before offering them all a huge rip out of his brand new $200 bong.
Sources close to Lam reported that he then returned to his dorm, deflated and so overwhelmed with sadness for not being able to capture the culprit that his eyes appeared bright red. As he opened his door, a thick cloud of smoke escaped, nearly suffocating him.
“Listen, I don’t want to have to do this because there’s a lot of paperwork involved, but if I catch you smoking inside again, I’m going to have to report you,” said Lam to the empty room.