Student 67% Sure Classmate’s Name is Brian

Following weeks of careful speculation, sophomore Aaron Mills can now confirm that he is 67% sure his Sociology classmate’s name is Brian. Although the two have sat next to one another since the beginning of the Fall semester, Mills has been unable to place a name. “It’s too late to ask. We exchange a few words every class, and we even have each other’s phone numbers: he’s listed in my contacts under ‘Homework Plug,’” Mills said, as he texted his nameless classmate to request the lecture notes from Monday’s class. “It makes me feel bad because he always refers to me by name, and I’ve been dancing around calling him anything other than ‘bro’ or ‘man.’ Thankfully, these new optimistic numbers lead me to believe that his name has an almost two out of three chance of being Brian. Or was it Brandon? It definitely started with a ‘B.’ Brennan? This is so fucked.” At press time, the name of Mills’ classmate was revealed to be Tucker.