Student Caught Snacking on Bacon in Hillel Jewish Center

The normally vacant Hillel Jewish Center has been overflowing with students cramming for finals week, including accounting student Stefani Eryn, who committed one of the highest offenses the center has ever seen: feasting upon crispy strips of bacon. Sources claim they also saw Eryn enjoying at least three pulled pork sandwiches, a sausage, a pair of pork chops, and an entire oven-roasted ham within the duration of her studying. When questioned why she would do such a horrid thing, she responded, “What’s wrong with pork?” While students who visit the center daily are still recovering from the disturbing images of bacon-eating, there is rumor that at least 5,777 packs of uncooked bacon remain hidden within the walls to continue tormenting them throughout the year.