Student on Cell Phone Collides with Student on Cell Phone

At 8:55 A.M. Friday morning, student Amanda Ranx, who was looking down at her cell phone, collided in the Breezeway with student Bruno Evans, who was also looking down at his cell phone. In the seconds immediately preceding the collision, Ranx was reading an article on how to use coconut oil to cure autism, while Evans was busy envying other men’s bodies while browsing through the “#2Swole” hashtag on Instagram. The crash occurred in between the Omega Psi Phi table, the members of which actively ignored the situation in front of them, and the FAU Owls Care table, the members of which immediately threw condoms at the two. Ranx and Evans then looked up from their phones, nervously laughed, shrugged, and continued on down their separate paths. Ranx would then go on to bump into five other students before reaching her destination, Evans only bumping into three students and a duck.