Student Conducts 3 AM Raid On Roommate’s Mini Fridge

At 3 a.m. Monday, FAU freshman Matthew Oliver conducted a full-scale raid on his roommate’s mini fridge. Equipped with a pair of night vision goggles and a determined will to satisfy his late-night cravings, Oliver reportedly crept into his roommate’s darkened bedroom and apprehensively made for the fridge. “A previous reconnaissance mission confirmed that he’s got Pop-Tarts stashed under his bed somewhere, too,” Oliver said, adding that he first deployed a remote-controlled drone into the bedroom to ensure his roommate was asleep before breaching. “I don’t want to risk being in there any longer than I need to be, so I’ve only got a limited window of time to work with. I figure that I can snag at least two Dunk-a-Roos and maybe a few bites of leftover Jow Jing before evacuation. I’ll shuffle around the contents of the fridge so he won’t even realize that anything is missing. I’m a ghost.”

At press time, sources confirmed that the operation was abandoned after Oliver failed to receive intelligence that his roommate had suddenly decided to embark on a diet and stock the fridge exclusively with Vienna sausages.