Student Decides To Shut Off Wifi For The Semester, “If I Can’t See The Canvas Notifications, I Don’t Actually Have Any Responsibilities”

On Tuesday morning, absolute genius Erin Park revealed that he had shut off his wifi, and had planned to keep it off for the entire semester so that he could not access Canvas. Many students this semester have been struggling with their newly online classes, finding it difficult to focus during the quarantine. It is commonplace for said students to keep in touch with their professors and classmates, asking for extra assistance. Students like Park, however, are ahead of the curve.

“I’m literally a genius,” Exclaimed Park, brandishing his empty notifications tab on his phone. “If I can’t see that administrators are contacting me to tell me I’m going to lose my scholarship due to my poor grades, then I never lost it in the first place!”

Other students have begun to catch on, wifi connections being dropped left and right. “Why would I turn on my wifi and go to a Zoom class when I could just tell my professors my data connection is too unstable to attend?” Questioned local FAU junior Lucille James.

At press time, it was reported that commuter students have begun smashing their phones with sledgehammers saying, “if I can’t see the phone calls from my landlord, I’m not losing my apartment!”


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