FAU student Aaron Byrne truly felt what it means to be betrayed Wednesday after asking his friends to accompany him to the food court, only to discover that they had already gone without him. He was reportedly meeting his disloyal companions at the library after class when he first became aware of their treachery. “I wonder if it’s ever occurred to them that I have feelings, too,” said Byrne, stifling the tears of faithlessness welling in his eyes. “At first, I dismissed it as nothing more than a sadistic joke, but once I noticed their take-out boxes, the message became all too clear.”
Byrne went on to explain that due to the duplicitous actions of the men he once regarded as brothers, he would now be forced to eat his lunch alone in public and relive depressing high school memories of social isolation.
“We honestly didn’t think that he would be interested in coming,” said Thomas Chamberlain, a so-called friend of Byrne and modern-day Judas. “I mean, did we make an effort to ask him? Not at all, but we did make an effort to Snapchat him the entire time we were there, so it’s almost like he was with us if you really think about it. Besides, the selection at the food court kind of sucks anyway. It’s not like he was missing much.”
At press time, Byrne was seen standing confused alongside his traitorous pals as they laughed about inside jokes that were developed at the food court.