Student Goes to CAPS In Search Of New Hat; Finds Self Instead

It was reported that FAU freshman Cole Fletcher entered the Counseling and Psychological Services office early Tuesday morning in search of a new hat. Fletcher attended an hour-long session with one of Florida Atlantic University’s licensed psychologists, who claimed that rather than a new hat, what Fletcher really needed was a secure sense of identity.

“I guess I had been feeling pretty lost all semester. Maybe even all my life,” said Fletcher. “I just never realized how much I really needed help until I got some. This counseling thing seems like it will be really beneficial to my mental health, hat or no hat.”

Fletcher’s new therapist did suggest that purchasing a new hat could help him become more confident with his self-image and identity, and encouraged him to explore new fashion ideas as a means of self-expression.

“I honestly thought this place would sell hats, though,” Fletcher went on to add. “I was pretty sure my friend suggested a hat store called CAPS, and I’d remembered my orientation leader saying something about CAPS on the second floor of the Breezeway during our campus tour.”

Fletcher was later seen venting to the cashier at LIDS in the Town Center Mall about his deepest existential troubles.