Student Graduates While Waiting in Line for Academic Advisor

FAU graduate Branson Lindo was found standing in line for academic advising this week, still waiting for an appointment even though he had graduated in May. Lindo’s case isn’t unique: while lines in the past have been lengthy, this year’s waitlist has increased to the point where hundreds of students are either dying from starvation, dropping out to become strippers, or, as with Lindo, graduating while in line.

“I’ve been in this line two years now,” Lindo stated as he stepped over the several collapsed bodies around him. “I missed appointment sign-up dates and had to rely on walk-in appointments. At this rate, I assume I’ll get to advising before I get married next year.”

The Department of Social Sciences has estimated that the current line to see the advisors will take a minimum of five years, so all students are recommended to show up in full graduation attire. Hot dog stands are now being wheeled around to prevent the loss of anymore students.

When the FAU academic advisors were questioned as to why it has been taking so long to see students, the only statement they would release was, “We have our own lives too. It’s not our fault the students suck and missed the sign-up dates.”

But students like Lindo remain hopeful. “At the latest, I think I’ll be out of here before my third child is born. The wife I have not yet married and three children I have not yet conceived will be so proud.”