Student Misinterprets Concept of Canned Food Drive, Shotguns 24 Cans of Chef Boyardee

Students campus-wide have been enthusiastically preparing for this week’s Homecoming events, which will include the long-awaited Ke$ha concert, bonfire, and most importantly, The ExtravaCANza Canned Food Drive on October 25th. One student in particular, Andrew Nelson, has been so excited for the ExtravaCANza that he has spent the last three days throwing parties where he and members of his fraternity chugged a variety of items to collect empty cans for the drive.

“I’ve always wanted to make a difference in my community but never found the right avenue. Imagine how I felt when I discovered how big of an impact donating cans that once held food would make,” stated Nelson as he punctured the bottom of a Campbell’s chicken noodle soup can and lifted it over his head to suck the contents out. “When I read in a flier that they needed cans, I knew I could shotgun at least 24 cans of Chef Boyardee in under 6 minutes.”

Fellow frat members and attendees say that the parties were lit and that people were shotgunning anything from ravioli to green beans in an effort to help. “Totally worth it. I even got my stomach pumped!” exclaimed Branson Lindo when questioned about his experience and how it felt to know he was helping starving children.

After the interview, The Hoot staff explained to Nelson and his friends that the contents needed to be within the cans in order to be donated. “How can that be? They only wanted cans!” stated one of the boys as they all watched Nelson run off, leaving a trail of canned goods behind him. Before leaving the interview spot, the frat boys could all be heard planning a major party which would include using a large beer bong funnel on industrial sized cans of Bush’s baked beans and Spam.