On Friday morning, FAU sophomore and Boca native Trish Williams was shocked when a fast moving bus rammed into her even though she put her right hand up while walking across University Drive.
According to eyewitnesses, Williams reportedly walked into the street making eye contact with her phone, watch, purse, and anything that was not the Palm Tran bus which would soon smash into her fragile body. It was at that moment that Williams, who had still not looked up at the street she was crossing, decided to raise her right hand in the air, which usually made it totally okay for her to carelessly walk into traffic. But to her surprise, the hand did not work, leaving her to smash into the bus and ride six stops before horrified onlookers waved the bus down and called the police.
“I don’t know how someone can possibly die by Palm Tran. By public transportation!” cried Eleanor Williams, mother of the victim. “My baby deserved to die from something more luxurious, like a Lincoln, or an Audi, maybe even a yacht. But to die from a fucking Palm Tran, that’s a poor person’s way to die by vehicular manslaughter.”
At press time, FAU announced an effort to research how this could have happened and why it’s constantly affecting entitled assholes. To help the cause, signs reading “LOOK BEFORE YOU CROSS” will be placed at every stopwalk, which those afflicted probably won’t see anyways.